Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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