I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
