I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
