he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
