your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
