He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
