omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
