The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
