i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
