This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize