Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We are all done wearing pants today
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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