I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want her autograph on my taint
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
