Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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