I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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