He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
