The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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