sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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