Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
