She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
