last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize