Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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