You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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