So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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