evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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