She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
