the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Quick, to the slutcave!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
