We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
