Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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