I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize