genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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