I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
