I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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