Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
