Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
