Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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