There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
