I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
