this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
a search helicopter?!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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