Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
