the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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