I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
