I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
