i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
