he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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