gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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