Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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