Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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