they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
