words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I touched a dick in church today
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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