I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
