so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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