That's when you crack a 10am beer
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize