I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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