i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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