yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
