: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
