Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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