and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize