I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
