but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I've blown a few things in my day
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
