I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
