just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
