Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
