i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
