the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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