last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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