I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
