I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
