My friends, they love my intelligence
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
